Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
