I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
