umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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