is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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