as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
