Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Houston, we have a blender
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
