I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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