And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
