saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
