Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
