STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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