If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
