booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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