mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
