I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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