My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
