so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
