I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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