I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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