yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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