Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
