I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
