Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
