i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
