Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
