I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
