Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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