My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Small penises have feelings too.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My life is pants optional.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
