Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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