Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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