Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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