the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
