I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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