You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
