he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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