i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
