the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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