i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
