i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
