He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Are my feet made of real feet?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
