this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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