You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
