So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
