Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
