Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
