if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
