I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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