I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
