I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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