new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
