I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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