you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
