real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
