It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He felt like a one man threesome
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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