I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize