You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
