Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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