i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
