Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
