Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
