i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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