I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize