um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
false alarm, still single
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