I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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