His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this just has baby written all over it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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